Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Why? -Part II

Five days and six sleepless nights, finally bothered her. She decided to go out for a walk. For the first time she approached the main door of the room and realized it was left open. She stepped out. It was chill. She wondered where she was. Was she in her own country or somewhere else? Was she in paradise? Was she alive? She kept walking, unaware of where she was heading but she actually liked it. After about an hour she felt tired and sick. Somehow she managed to reach back the house. It was warm and cozy. She threw herself on bed and slept instantly.

When she got up she could smell delicious food. She was hungry, she instantly got up and went to the dining table and ate voraciously. When she was done and she laid back on her bed she suddenly felt sick, not physically but mentally. She felt restless. She realized she was alive and realization made her sick, for the fact that it came with a void feeling of uselessness, it came with the same unanswered question of why? She laid back again tying to figure out Why she was alive, for what? For whom?

Next thing she knew was she was searching for a blade.

The life which was saved with a great effort was finally ended

Lisa died.

What killed Lisa? Her ‘useless’ thoughtfulness? Her weird thought procedure? Was she really useless, as she thought herself to be?

Well her thoughtfulness or rather thoughtlessness or the fact that she was an empty mind, however you may want to term it, none killed her. What killed her was her hopelessness.
What led her to this pathetic end was her pessimism. She couldn’t find an aim for herself and she decided that it was over but it was not. If only she could have realized that life is so versatile and all she needs to do is search.

If only she had kept her hope.

Friday, June 15, 2007


Sitting by the side of the sole window of her room Lisa cursed the moment when she was saved. She considered jumping out of the same window but knew very well that jumping out of a hospital window that too only on third floor won’t help. Her helplessness gave way to a deep breath when sister entered the room.
“You look much better now”
“Here, Take your medicines”
Lisa got up and did as sister asked her to. She looked out of the open door to see if anybody was peeping.
“..and yes lie down and take rest. you are too weak to sit around. OK”
Sister left closing the door behind.

Lisa was just 19. She used to love life and every thing about it. Anything on this earth would make her happy, flowers, rain, clouds, butterflies, kids, soil, sun, everything. Nothing that wrong has happened in her life for her to end it, just all her hopes and ambitions have died. She just didn’t want to live because life was the default state. She couldn’t think of any reason to survive. Nobody on this earth needed her for whom she could do something and neither was there anybody whom she desired.

Lisa was kept on tranquilizers. She slept whole day and night, and when she was awake she used to wonder as to why she is alive, for what? The worst part was that now she was literally in a jail, her every movement, every action being watched. In her zest of seeking ultimate freedom she even lost the basic freedom she used to have.

She was not sad but still she wanted to finish her life. For her, her life was already over it was just that these mortals were not allowing her body to lie in peace.

After another three days, she was shifted to a lower floor, with another two beds in the room. She never felt any sentiments for the place, good or bad it was all same for her. Not just the place, but everything.

She slept for the whole day. When she got up she realized she was no longer in her room. Her bed was next to a huge window viewing the beautiful sun going down the hill and a vast green land. The view was spectacular though it didn’t appear so to her. She felt hungry. She couldn’t remember when she had her supper last, but it didn’t matter. She looked around, there was food placed on the table kept on the other end of the room. She tried getting up but then she realized there was a loaf of bread kept on her side table. She picked it. It was stale but even that didn’t matter to her.

(to be continued….)